Apple Meet Apple Tree

My son, Joaquin, is thirteen. He’s like me in all the good ways and unlike me in all the best ways.

Each year, I like to put together a fun, birthday listicle for social media.

There’s this one culled from his seventh birthday.

5 Reasons My Son Is Like Way Better Than Your Dog

5. When we play fetch, Joaquin returns the stick.

4. I can eat Joaquin’s leftovers.

3. Joaquin’s weekly bath costs less than $25.

2. I don’t have to follow Joaquin around with a plastic bag...anymore.

1. When Joaquin licks my face it smells like Lucky Charms and not lucky dog sack.

And this one from his birthday a couple of weeks back:

5 Reasons My Son is Greater than The Sun

5. When the sun burns me, the pain only lasts a week.

4. The sun brightens my day. My son brightens my life.

3. You know what’s funny about the sun? Absolutely nothing. My son? Absolutely everything.

2. Stare into the Sun and you’ll go blind.  And then my Son will probably make a joke about how skibbidy you were to stare into the sun in the first place.

1 You can never get close enough to the Sun to get a hug a kiss.

To my pleasant surprise, he hit me with a Father’s Day text this past weekend with a list of his own making. And it goes a little something like this:

5 Reasons My Dad is Better than Your Dad

1: my dad takes care of the dog while your dad beats the  dog 🐶

2: my dad is funny while your dad is a workaholic.

3: i see my dad often while you haven’t see your dad in a week because he is still in the bathroom.

4: my dad uses the pool while your dad hates water with pee in it.

5: my dad has good taste in food while your dad eats jack in the box while watching wheel of fortune.

I think my work here is done. But I think i’m going to stick around for some overtime pay.